Thursday, December 06, 2012

Drinking white wine in the sun.......


This is my first Christmas with no parents. A true Christmas orphan. I've not been big on Christmas for a while now. I have my reasons, I really do. This year feels different. Lonelier. I have no Mum or Dad to brainstorm the perfect gift for. So I keep buying stuff to keep that feeling at bay. Like I can buy my way through this season into the new year. Which I imagine will be all bright and shiny and full of happy, even though I know it will look just like the day before.

Don't get me wrong, I have my tiny family here, to keep me full of cheer. Hey! That rhymed! And I have an invite to see all my other huge family that I don't know at all, who would be really happy to see me, which is weird, but I think is cool. I'm so blue though, I don't want to infect anyone else with that colour. It seems terribly contagious, so I back out of things I should be moving forward into. Time moves by so quickly yet drags on into minutes.

I miss my Dad. I miss my Mum. I miss Max. But time will march on, and even though it's hard to see this keyboard that has suddenly gone all watery and blurry, I know I will feel better eventually. My Husband and Son will help with that. But right now I feel like a little kid.

9 comments:

christine said...

Oh, Karen. I feel for you. I wish you a holiday season full of love and cheer.
hugs <3

Knitting Nix said...

hugs xx

Zenitude said...

Your post is beautiful and touching. You never really get used to loosing a loved one, you just learn to live with the loss. The emptyness remains. I hope you talk often of your memories, I find that by sharing mine helps keep them alive for me.
Hugs

Anonymous said...

Thinking about you seeeester and sending you some love...

Liz said...

Karen,
Back when my son was a toddler and I was pregnant with number two, we moved from Ottawa to Washington, DC. The next week the IMF sent my husband off to Moscow for a month. He left in November and wouldn't be back until almost Xmas. I was SO lonely, with no extended family. It was the worst holiday season of my life. But then, somehow I wised up. The next year I realized all of sudden that with no family, there were no obligations! If I wanted to laze around, or not put up my tree until whenever, no one would comment. I didn't have to dress up and pretend to adore my not-so-adorable relatives (that ones that are way too huggy and kissy). Over the years, we developed our own Xmas traditions. It all worked out. Best wishes for the season.
P.S. I visited your blog after I noticed that you bought the Trellis Waistcoat pattern. Don't hesitate to let me know if you have any questions/comments.

Liz said...

Boy, do I feel stupid. It was ANOTHER String Theory blogger who purchased my pattern! Nonetheless, I enjoyed visiting your blog and will do so again, and of course the comments re being without family for Xmas remain valid. Go bake something.

Daniyal Memon said...
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ham said...
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Heather said...

I love this post, even though it's sad. It's so hard to lose loved ones, but you'll see them again. Hugs to you Karen!